Originally published at A Theoretical Chemist Blogs. You can comment here or there.

Yes, the title is correct, I will be starting a new job soon.  Sigh.  I fear admitting that thinking it will all go away.  The pessimistic Matt rears his head again. And what follows is the stream of consciousness that occurs when I try to get personal…

I’ve decided to bit the bullet, as it were, and say it out loud:

I have a new job.

My last day as a postdoc at the Naval Research Laboratory is June 5.  My first day as a Senior Scientific Software Engineer at NASA Goddard Space Flight Center–as a contractor, not civil service–will be June 8. (Assuming the pre-employment drug check is good, etc., etc.)

And how do I feel?  I feel…scared. I feel…happy.  I feel nervous. Excited. Good. Bad. Yin. Yang.

First, the negative. Why should I feel anything negative?  Well, I suppose part of it is change. If there is one thing I’m afraid of, that’s it. I’ll also be leaving some very good friends and very, very good scientists at NRL. I’ve learned quite a bit there, and I’ve broadened my knowledge considerably.

Also, this job means a longer commute.  About 70 miles a day (round-trip) from where I presently live.  And, well, I like where I live. I like the area. I’m thinking I might try the commute out for a year or so, see if I can take it.  If not, I suppose I move to Maryland, but for now, I’ll be driving a while every day.

However, the most “negative” aspect is the fact that for the first time in more than a decade, I will not be a chemist. I’ve always self-identified as a chemist for most of my life. And yet, here I am, accepting a job that is primarily coding, and not chemistry.

I suppose that isn’t really surprising, though, if I look at my path.  My postdoc, while still theoretical chemistry, is a bit more on the computing side than the chemistry.  Sort of.  Hmm.

This leads into the my primary fear: that I won’t be able to do the job.  That they overestimated my abilities and that I’ll fail.

And yet, they did offer me the job. They do think I’m good enough to do the work. Thay I’m qualified.  So perhaps my fear should transform into a positive.

Positives. I have a job in this economy. Sure, it’s contracting, so it can disappear, but it’s a job. And it’s a job where tax is withheld! Nothing like two years of estimated taxes to make you look forward to money being taken from you every month!

And it’s a challenge. Part of me–and this surprises me–part of me is excited to start something new. To challenge myself in new ways. I did that when I came to NRL and it seems to have worked out despite my fears.

So, yes, I’m scared. I’m happy. I’m afraid. I’m eager.

Eep.

Originally published at A Theoretical Chemist Blogs. You can comment here or there.

You know what annoys me? Those desk cube calendars that combine Saturday and Sunday on one sheet.  If anything, the weekend deserves extra sheets…because it’s the weekend!

Originally published at A Theoretical Chemist Blogs. You can comment here or there.

I knew there was something I hadn’t blogged about here that I wanted to: JACS Image Challenge. If you’ve never visited it, it’s a fun little game that JACS is hosting on their spiffy new AJAX-y beta site.

They present you with an image or images from a paper, some text, and then ask you a question about it.  Most of the time, you don’t need to read the paper to know the answer if you have a reasonable chemistry background.  But, that doesn’t mean to say you’ll always get it right.  What you can be sure of, though, is that you’ll usually go “Oh yeah…” when you get one wrong.

For me, the current challenge (#35 as of writing), is one that is pretty easy for me.  And, I suspect, for just about anyone.  But, some are a bit out of my field, like biochem or inorganic. I can give a slightly educated guess, but random might be more effective for this theorist.  But, it is JACS: you get theory, experiment, analysis, everything, all in one journal.

Plus, sometimes you get a really cool one. Looking back to recent ones, there is #30 where you get a fun video of some rather impressive science.  Or, there is #31 which, after answering, you find that most visitors actually get it wrong (myself included). And, thus, I learned something new!

Originally published at A Theoretical Chemist Blogs. You can comment here or there.

Ahh… One of the best times of the year, New Doctor Who episode day. :-D  Tonight was the first of the 4 (or, 3, I guess) last eps of the Tenth Doctor (David Tennant).  More thoughts, spoilers, and whatnot after the cut…

Originally published at A Theoretical Chemist Blogs. You can comment here or there.

This is just a little annoyance of mine, but it’s something that’s been grating on me.  Recently, I decided to make a concerted effort to use CiteULike as a way to semi-organize the papers I read on the web. (I’m fairly certain that I had a previous account a while back, with quite a few (50, 60) papers in it, but for the life of me I can’t seem to remember/find it.)

Still, that is no reason not to start again.  So, I’ve been adding papers, and I noticed something that just bothers me. When you add a paper to CiteULike, you get to “rate” your…enthusiasm about the paper.  From “Top priority!” (5 stars) to “I might read it” (2 stars), it’s all good.  But then you get to “I don’t really want to read it” and that gives it one star.  That one star seems…odd to me.

To me, one star still means it’s a paper I want to read.  Maybe it’s in astronomy or some field I don’t know much about, but if I’ve taken the time to press the CiteULike button and save it to my “library”, it seems like the least amount of interest would be “might read it”, not “not gonna do it”[1].

Originally published at A Theoretical Chemist Blogs. You can comment here or there.

I am a big big big “Red Dwarf” fan (yeah, I didn’t have a lot of friends in high school…and most of the ones I did have liked it too…).  So, I was so happy when I saw this video from Kryten(!) on YouTube.  It was posted by Robert Llewellyn at his @bobbyllew Twitter account.

Man, I miss that show. Think I’ll go grab my ol’ RD DVDs…

Originally published at A Theoretical Chemist Blogs. You can comment here or there.

Nerd post that’s probably only for my benefit ahead…read if you dare!

Kinda hit me today that I miss “Doctor Who”.  That *entirely hypothetical* feeling of having the RSS Downloader of μTorrent grab the latest ep for me from cyberspace.  The joy of seeing a brand new ep of “DW” *somehow appearing* on my computer and watching it.  Yeah, I know, “Planet of the Dead” is arriving next month, around Easter if I recall correctly.  Yay!

Also kind of realizing that I really like the Tenth Doctor. Surprising considering how much I just loved the Ninth Doctor. I then think about the previous Doctors…and the future one.

What will the Eleventh Doctor be like? He’s young…too young?  Eh.  Part of me hopes that they give him some of the bits I liked best about the Fifth and Eighth Doctor.  Well, not the stupid cricket uniform of 5.  But, the youthful exuberance they both had.  And, thankfully, a longer run than the poor Eighth Doctor got. The few audio plays and comics I’ve read of 8 make me wish that Doctor got his shot on TV.

Originally published at A Theoretical Chemist Blogs. You can comment here or there.

I’m not sure how long this offer will last, but the current issue of Contemporary Physics is being offered for free, free, FREE!  That means you don’t have to pay some gazillions of dollars for access.  (Or work at a research institution with a subscription.)

And if there was ever an issue of Contemp Phys to read this is the one.  It’s the 50th Anniversary Issue.

For those who’ve never read Contemp Phys, it’s a journal which is dedicated to making current, sometimes bleeding-edge, physics intelligible to a wider audience.  That often includes other physicists and, quite often, one certain theoretical chemist.

In this issue, you’ll find works by many of the big names of physics.  No, wait, this is Physics.  Names like Salam, Peierls, Hawking, and Chandrasekhar. But many of the articles are written by names just as big, just not as well known.  No matter what, though, ALL of the papers in this Issue are uniformly great.

That said, I was happy to see that one of my all-time favorite papers was included.  This is Otto Frisch’s famous “Take a photon…” paper. In this paper, Frisch presents a series of Gedankenexperiment (thought experiments) as a dialogue between various characters in regards to the interference of a single photon.  If you love great quantum physics, this is the paper for you.  If you love the freakiness of quantum mechanics, this is for you.  Heck, if you are interested in the quantum computing and information, one of modern physics’ big fields, this is a paper for you.

But, really, all of the papers in this issue (and remember there is a second page of papers…which isn’t quite apparent on InformaWorld’s site) are for you.  Read them all.  You will learn something in one of them. Probably in all of them.

Originally published at A Theoretical Chemist Blogs. You can comment here or there.

On the evening of March 6, 2009, I went to a very nice dinner at Evening Star Cafe in Alexandria.  This dinner was with the foodies of DonRockwell.com (aka DCDining.com) and was quite yummy.  I give full thanks to Chef Will Artley and his staff.  It was good, gooder, goodest.  After the break, I’ll start describing the dishes with photos.

Originally published at A Theoretical Chemist Blogs. You can comment here or there.

Sigh…just got an email in regards to a job I applied to.  They said:

Due to budgetary conditions, we are putting the position you applied for on hold.

Ah…economy.

The kinda scary thing is this is a government position. Well, one of those places run by a company under the aegis of the government.  Still, guess I thought that this place wouldn’t get hit…

…I was wrong.

Originally published at A Theoretical Chemist Blogs. You can comment here or there.

This is one F I’m not sure I want to TGI…

Originally published at A Theoretical Chemist Blogs. You can comment here or there.

I made some Peanut Butter Blossoms today.  Yummmm…

Jealous?

Originally published at A Theoretical Chemist Blogs. You can comment here or there.

It’s that time of year again when I select my Oscar picks.  I know, I know.  Please.  Please!  Stop gasping and cheering.

Actually it is a bit of a tradition between my sister and me.  We pick and see who is right, the film studies major or the theoretical chemist.  Sure, she usually wins but that’s only because she sees all the movies and doesn’t get all sentimental about films she likes like I do.

Now then…to the picks!

Originally published at A Theoretical Chemist Blogs. You can comment here or there.

So. Got rejected for two jobs in the last couple weeks.  Feelin’ good.

First up, there was AAAS. I had previously blogged about how one day I saw in their system that I was “Not Selected” and then reclassified as “Eligible”.  I contacted them about this and they said “Oh, just a mistake.”  Well, turns out, even if they say that was a mistake…not a mistake.  It was a longshot, I know, which is probably why it doesn’t sting too bad.  Plus, well, I already went through my five stages of grief with that one a while back.

However, I was also rejected today by Boston University.  This one does kinda hurt.  Not too much since it’s been about 3 months since I interviewed.  Not a good sign, uno.  And about a month since I contacted them to see what was going on.  Not a good sign, deux.  So, yeah, it was expected.

The sting comes from the fact that I was pretty damn perfect for this job.  Maybe I was overqualified, I don’t know…that depends on seeing who actually got the job.  It was for a Manager of Computation Resources for the Chemistry Department.  I’m a chemist whose used chemical computing for 10 years.  I’ve also spent most of that time administering my own workstations, worked on clusters, &c., &c.

So, I guess what’s in my mind is that I couldn’t even land a job I was pretty much made for.  What does that say about my future chances for a job?

Sigh.

Ah well, another day, another rejection, another application.

Round and round we go…

Originally published at Random Musings of a Chemist. You can comment here or there.

I go to the Giant at 7 am as I do most Saturdays, and I’m surprised to see the parking lot so full.  Usually it’s me, that older gent, and that lady.  I know them all by sight if not by name.  Today though…cars galore.

“What could this be”, I ask myself.

All sorts of thoughts skip through the playground of my mind as I grab my cart and wheel unsteadily through the doors.  And to my right, what do my eyes see in the florist department?  Why, men, men, men.  All searching roses, balloons, hee.

So, for all those naysayers out there thinking the economy will be hard on the florists…well, it might be on the nice, fancy ones.  But your local Giant?  They can still depend on the sheer terror that is a man on Valentine’s Day.

Originally published at Random Musings of a Chemist. You can comment here or there.

Six months ago…

I decided to be less timid and contact her.

Six months ago…

She was smart, she was beautiful, she was someone I didn’t have a shot with, really, but unless you try, you never know.

Six months ago…

I sent off that first message. Hoping she’d reply.

Six months ago…

She replied. She replied. She replied!

Six months ago…

I started on a journey, getting to know this wonderful woman.

Six months ago…

I met someone who has made my life better, happier. Has made me better, happier.

Six months ago…

I found her, the woman I love.

So, while many out there will be celebrating Valentine’s Day this weekend, I have something even better to celebrate. I will be celebrating the start of a life I never thought possible, never knew I could have. All because she decided to give this old nerd a shot…

Six months ago.

Originally published at Random Musings of a Chemist. You can comment here or there.

Inspired by that “25 Things About Me” meme that is all over Facebook–and which I’ve done–I figured I could use this space to let people know other odd things about me.  Some of these might be long posts, others short.  If nothing else, they will be boring and quite banal, but they will get me writing.  Huzzah!  So, now for Random Thing #1…

I am afraid of small insects.

Odd, eh?  Note, this is only small.  I don’t mind tarantulas.  But a tiny little spider? *shudder*  I love watching big ol’ butterflies and moths.  But a small miller moth?  Those small, harmless, food-for-swallows moths?  Freak me out!

There is one exception to this rule: bees, wasps, yellowjackets…all those flying, stingy, yellow, black, harbingers of doom.  I am scared of them all.  Even the mundane honeybee that doesn’t want to bother me at all.  “Run away!”

Originally published at Random Musings of a Chemist. You can comment here or there.

Welp, I got an email from the AAAS people today informing me I haven’t been rejected yet.  Yay!

The story behind this starts a few days ago when I went back to AAAS because…I dunno, I’m a masochist?  While there, I noticed that my status had changed from “Not Selected” to “Eligible”.  Thus: confusion.

So, heeding the words of my friends in regards to the job search, I decided to be aggressive (for me) and write and ask them what was going on.

Turns out the system apparently marked a few applications “Not Selected” inadvertently.  Mine happened to be one of them.  It’s “good” to know that without my job OCD, I might have avoided all those fun emotions.

Oh, and I have decided to squelch that voice inside me that is saying “There is a reason only a few apps, including yours, got marked that way, Matt.”  I have promised her, my love, that this week I am positive.  So, I will be positive for her.

Originally published at Random Musings of a Chemist. You can comment here or there.

After my pity party post last night, I woke up this morning and decided that my fear was not going to be my guide.  Not today.  Not this week.

So, I’ve resolved myself to not worry at all about jobs, the economy, my future, none of that for one week.

I will be more confident for my friends.  I’m sure they are tired of hearing me whine about life and all.  I flinch when I think of the “why me” I have inflicted on my Twitter and Facebook friends. So this week, they get only a bright outlook from me.

I will be more confident for my family.  They are never anything but positive and supportive of me.  I should return the damn favor for once.  I owe them more than that, but let this be one small step in that direction.

I will be more confident for her.  My light and my love…she is never anything but confident in me. For me not to feel the same about myself diminishes her.  I will not do that.  Besides, this week is a stressful one for her.  Preparing for an interview is something that needs no distractions.  So this week, I will be there for her.  I will be her rock this week.  I will be there to boost her confidence, if need be.  I will be her jester, if she needs a laugh.  I know she has done and will do the same for me.

I will be more confident for me.  Selfish, I know, but it’s the kind of selfishness that is good for you.  For one week, I will feel good about myself.  I will feel good about who I am and what I’ve accomplished.  I will trust that my skills will find a place in this economy.  I will accept that my job is *not* who I am.  I will learn that I can do this.  I will be better than I was.

I will be confident.

Originally published at Random Musings of a Chemist. You can comment here or there.

Sigh.  Just watched the report on “60 Minutes” about the death of DHL and the consequences of that on Wilmington.  Every day new reports on the economy, every day, bad reports on the economy.

And here I am…doing an NRC postdoc that I love, a contract job that ends the end of July.  Every week I send out resumes.  Every week I apply for jobs.

And yet I am picky.  Can I afford to be picky?  I say to myself, “I don’t want to do another postdoc.” I say, “I want a real job, with real responsibility.” And yet, all I see that fits my skillset are postdocs.  Every day a new postdoc call.  Every day another postdoc that I could do.  And yet I know I wouldn’t like it.

I can’t be picky, can I?  Am I allowed to say that I won’t apply because I won’t like the job?  A job is a job.  Who am I to say that every day?

And above all else, I am scared.  I am so scared.  I try not to let it show, and I think I’m mildly successful.  If nothing else, I can get through the day.  Every day.

But then comes the night.  At night, my stoicism fails.  At night, I become scared and I cannot stop myself.  Every night, I seem to experience some new fear.  Every night I seem to have fitful sleep, the sleep of the unsure, the sleep of the American worker.

And yet, every day I wake up.  Every day I go to work or I think about work.  I think how I can show the universe that I can do work, that I am worth work.

And I think about my family and how they love me.  How they support me.  Every day.

Finally, I think of one more person.  A person I care about more than I thought I ever could.  She is the bright light in my life. She is my surety in unsure times. I think of her every week.  Every day.  Every hour.  Ever.  Always.

And still, I am scared.